1. This is our first Christmas without Albert, my deeply missed father-in-law. Christmas with him never felt superficial or inauthentic. There was a beautiful simplicity in the Christmas dinner and the time of gift giving somehow left you calm and full of peace. Christmas with him was not about long drawn out chaotic gift wrapped explosions, or trying to impress others in some attempt at grandeur but a message of Christ and of love. I miss him.
2. Gideon has been throwing up again and last night he was fevered. It shakes me when he gets like this- I literally got shaky when he threw up all over me, head to toe, at the last Christmas gathering. His episodes of getting sick are not easy to endure. When he throws up it's not just once, it's multiple times all in a row with this eerie stillness between each projection and I don't know if he's choking or aspirating. I hardly ate anything and it was so hard to focus on conversation. My nerves are shot. (As I was writing this he threw up again, splattering my living room, inducing a redressing interlude. My new spittle smelling pony tail makes me sad.)
3. My creativity and resourcefulness feel flat. I haven't been able to focus enough to knit and my lack of employment leaves me with an empty slot where I once found a use for my gifts. I tried to sew a princess dress for my niece but I became disappointed with the results and didn't even finish it. Even my desire to write has diminished.
Prayer for the day: Renew my spirit O Lord and fill me again with your joy that it may over flow unto others. Grant me peace and beautiful sparks of creativity that will energize and bring forth a newness in our lives.
---Psalm 51, 7-17
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. 8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. 9 Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. 10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. 13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you. 14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God, the God who saves me, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness. 15 O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. 16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. 17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.