Patty cake patty cake bakers men
Put my mommy together again
Kiss her, pat her, mark her with "OK"
And help her smile sincerely today
I don't know where it springs up from. I don't know why it hits so hard. I don't know why, when I have such amazing little boys that smile at me, that need me, that make my world so beautiful, that I feel like crying. Most days it's just a fleeting moment. Some days it will last through the morning.
Today Alex has declared me a robot with a box on my hand. He just gave himself a banana trophy for being a giraffe that locked up monsters in his room -Then he married a T-rex. As I write, we are trying on fake mustaches.
As quickly as I felt that swift kick in the teeth, a switch is flipped and the weight is gone. The sadness, the pain, the forced smiles all dissipate and I feel more like the self I use to be. The person I was before my life of doctors appointments, home visits, sleepless nights, google obsessions and anxious overtones came to be. These things are still there, in the background, but for a moment I allow myself to forget, to relax and enjoy myself with sincerity. I thank God for these moments.