Now Comes the Pain

Gideon awoke with a scream.  I tried to console him.  His monitor screamed in response.  Where is that nurse bell?  Morphine? Is that morphine you gave him?  Topped off with Advil?  Tears flow as my voice breaks and I can't even sing to him.  I hush and shush and rub his back and tell him everything will be ok.  I'm not sure if I'm consoling him or myself.  It hurts to be so useless.  It hurts to see him in so much pain.  I set him back down and find my voice again.  As I brush my fingers through his hair and sing softly, he calms to a quiet moan and drifts.  Sweet little one, I would take it all away if I could- God I wish I could.